weird al

Yikes it’s 1115 pm. I’m waiting with my family for the blue line. A major city should not have over 30 min wait times but that’s another story.

We just saw Weird Al Yankovic. He was amazing. Hard to imagine that he’s 62.

My brain is kinda empty. Been an emotional few days.

nothing to see here

It’s been a day or rather a night or rather a few minutes and many years. Regardless. Right now I’m just fending off the albatross, Grendel, white whale, etc.

Which sounds very dramatic for a person sitting on her ass in a cozy room off a well stocked kitchen as much needed rain slides down the windows.

getting stronger

Had a meeting at 1400 S Loomis this afternoon, about 6 miles away. I accepted a petrol assist to get there and ran home afterwards. It was a nice break from there and back again routes and I always feel like I am being sneaky when running for transportation.

I am getting stronger. To start, my run to walk ratio was 3/4 of a mile to 1/4 walking. The walking increased towards the end but I didn’t feel like I was wearing ankle weights.

2nd City

Somehow Chicago took the number two spot in TimeOut’s recent world city rankings. The top honor goes to Edinburgh, Scotland.  The methodology might be flawed because it’s based on surveys of residents who are also, presumably, TimeOut readers. Is this an objective assessment of specific qualities or a finger pulse check of civic pride of a non representative swatch of the city’s population? (too many ofs in that sentence but I’m gonna forge on)

What does it mean to love a city? Why do we say civic pride instead of civic love? Pride and love don’t always go hand in hand.

I love our historic buildings even as I know they were built on foundations of exploited labor.

much more is on my mind but I need zzzzzzzzzz

vertebrae

I want to write about going to a chiropractor, seeing an xray of my spine, and getting my first “adjustment.” I am not using the air quotes in a disparaging way. The word just feels inadequate to what Dr. Maj did with my neck and back in less than 10 minutes.

My spine is in pretty good shape for a 50 year old. But it’s a little out of plumb, drifting to the right as it moves up from the sacrum. My left shoulder is higher than my right. She asked if I ever broke my collar bone Nope. But I’m not surprised given my default way of standing and tilting my head. Chicken egg, no matter.

My upper and middle back is (are?) also very tight, which she says is consistent with shallow breathing and anxiety.

And I have phone neck. Or computer neck or biking neck… whatever. She had taken a side view of my head bent forward, in neutral, and backward. It was really cool to compare how each vertebra shifted…. or didn’t shift. Bottom line is that one of my vertebrae is doing the lion’s share of work that should be spread across a team of 5? 6? (whatever the neck group is made of).

I imagine it’s related to the uneven collar bones and spinal drift. I am right handed and never learned to type. I have spent a lot of time at the computer the last 30 years, with my right hand dominating. I have spent a lifetime hunched over journals. And now I write on my phone too.

I expressed frustration about my bad habits. Come on, I danced, I did yoga…. I should know what to do and have the discipline to do what needs doing to stay in alignment. Then again, I know tossing a few handfuls of chocolate chips down the gullet isn’t wise either…

After we talked, she did some work on my spine. I was surprised to be a little nervous even though I know her clients range from newborns to wisened elders.

It was amazing. I walked out feeling taller. I want to write more but I need to stop for zzzz.

a great lake

um I am gonna hit post even though this is word salad as of 1156pm

Another day without being cold in fact it was warm enough that when it started raining when I was running along the lake 3 miles from my bicycle actually I was walking I was not at all concerned. I knew I could get wet and there would be no goosebumps and that is about as close a definition to perfect summer as I can think of.

right okay so I am trying speech to text because I am trying to soak the last remnants of my fake nails off my right hand. I usually pick and rip them off which pretty much destroys my real nails along the way

good I see yeah so yes speech-to-text is totally not at all going to work for me.

It’s later and I am writing now. Putting words to screen and paper slows and corrals my thoughts.

I was going to write about my time rambling along the shoreline but I’m going to tuck in and return later.

a just right day

I woke up with a start as I tend to do these days. (That’s an odd phrase. Is it short for startled? And does startle have anything to do with start as in to begin? I’ll investigate later.)

I was on the futon couch in my office which is where I go when I can’t sleep. No need for my tossing and turning to keep up Michael.  It’s comfortable. No complaints about the accommodations.

I stayed there for awhile. Skimmed a lengthy, depressing review of a new book about the history of psychiatry. So I didn’t have a lot of pep in my step as I shuffled to the kitchen to grab some coffee. (Michael kindly makes a decaf batch for me. I can’t do caffeine in the morning due to a very helpful medication adjustment…. by my psychiatrist. The trade off is worth it for now. I am very fortunate.)

But that doesn’t mean my heart isn’t heavy (another phrase to investigate). I sat on the back porch, nursing the coffee, plowing through word games (free cell has been dethroned, for now), my journal at my elbow.

I had planned to spend time writing some things that need to be written that I knew would bring up emotions and distress.

But instead I decided to tackle some outdoors chores while listening to a space fiction podcast.

I have not spent much time in the garden since the bulbs and roses faded. I missed the window for planting colorful annuals. So right now, it’s all about shape, height, and nuanced differences between shades of green. It’s also been hot and dry. Good for my spirits but not the plants. But most of the perrenials are hanging on. I am calling this a season of observation.

I mended a pocket hose (kinda tricky and I am kinda proud) and cut the stickers around the apple tree. I cleaned up a cluttered area by the gangway door and did some weeding,

I had on a hat and some sun screen but was showing a lot of skin. I don’t mean that in a salacious way. It’s just so wonderful to not be cold. To not shrink away from the air. To not wonder where I left my sweater. To be completely comfortable. What a gift.

making progress

I alternated between half miles of running and quarter miles of walking.

I’m just going to put this week behind me. Call it a recovery week or something, doesn’t matter.

I did cover 10k today, improving the run to walk ratio except for a stretch when I was thrown off by the dual punch of rumination and crowded sidewalks.

Although the total time (hour and 27 mins/ 14.01 min/mile ) was far from my ultimate goal, it felt great to run a little faster and a little farther than I have in. a long time.

fancy sock

Today wasn’t the clean break from wandering through my day to being bullseye focused but I did uncharacteristically put my laundry away right after I brought it up which means I noticed I was short a little white sock which I usually wouldn’t care about but it was from a new pair I bought with my running shoes and uh they were much more expensive than I expected.

It was blending in with the bottom of the dryer, right next to the lint catcher. If I hadn’t put my clothes away promptly, I imagine it would have been swept into other people’s loads. (We share with tenants.).

So, that’s putting a postive spin on a not amazingly productive but not terribly aimless day.

)

day 25

Round 2 of 100 days of writing has not been particularly hard hitting or probing. I did plenty of that this spring. I’ve been doing pretty well with Project INAF {I am not a failure). I’m allowing myself to feel the feels… grief, shame, guilt, fear but I’m not internalizing and tearing myself down at every turn.

So that’s good.

But I’m still stuck in frustrating patterns, am struggling to focus, don’t stick to a plan (if I even make one, which is rare).

I like easy to remember dates. Tomorrow is my mom’s birthday the start of a new writing “quarter.” I need to stop spinning and handwringing and take care of what needs taking care of.

That includes going to bed right now even though I could write more.