I’ll get in shape after the marathon

Yeah, that’s my new mantra. I’m very frustrated with myself. Just can’t/won’t get my act together during the work week. There is no excuse. Even if I thought it was OK to sit/stand in front of a computer 8 to 10 hours a day, there’s still plenty of time to do all the other things I want to do. I’m not even going to waste this space or my time covering this familiar territory. Do or do not. There is no try.

I will say I’m feeling a little awkward that the “meet our new staff” email that went out to 10000 people today mentioned that I am running the marathon. It made sense because my org was involved in getting the event started 50 years ago. It was also a lovely gesture of support.

But I am not running the marathon. I will be walking jogging slogging. Nothing to be proud of.

I could have asked my boss to take it out.

But what I realized today is that the training I’ve been doing this year has mostly been mental. I have been working hard to outrun my demons. (Yeah I guess we are also supposed to face our demons but that doesn’t work for this metaphor.) Either way, one of the biggest monsters I still need to slay is the one that finger wags: “you did not try hard enough.”

This summer I finally beheaded the hydra that hisses about failure in domain after domain. My weapon was logic. Failing at something is not the same as *being* a failure. Failure is not a bad thing. It is often key to growth. And, objectively (a bold word), I know that I have done plenty of things well or well enough… and that my standards are pretty high. I would never excorciate others the way I do myself.

I was feeling pretty good about felling the fear of failure beast.

Alas, it apparently it passed the baton to “You did not try hard enough.” This refers to behavior not character which, in theory, is what we are going for (see above).

Oof I have more thoughts but I’m so tired. Fitfull sleep last night. Phone is about to fall from hands.

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