mental health quiver

Writing in the afternoon instead of evening to increase odds of getting to sleep though last night I wrapped up before 11 and still had a restless night. I don’t understand. Really wondering if I’m in some kind of peak perimenopause moment.

Also summer is waning and I move up to full time work on Thursday which I am somewhat apprehensive about. Going to be a big change and it is bringing up a lot of stuff.

Been thinking about CBT (checking for distorted thinking to cut down on emotional distress to lead to wise behavioral choices) and DBT (strategies for making wise choices when my thoughts won’t be tamed and emotions are flapping in the wind).

All this while also trying to let myself feel the feels.

Sometimes mental health strategies seem contradictory though I can see how it all works together. Kinda.

Been turning to grounding a lot. I know I should mediate but I just don’t feel like having another should on my plate.

So I am going to stick with grounding. I see a brick wall, tuck pointed not long ago. Afternoon shadows of the porch banisters. White mesh metal two seater with bits of rust. Pile of napkins and rags outside the back door, waiting for the next laundry load. Rumor’s glossy coat peeking under the table. I hear wind. In the tree. Snapping the porch curtains. Spinning a creaky weather vane on a neighbor’s house. Traffic. Bus airbreaks. Neighbor’s keys. I feel warm, the cracked skin between my toes, the weight of this phone, metal stool under my calves.

And I need to keep breathing. Push into the belly.

And now it’s time to get back to work.

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