swings and misses

I’m super low tonight. Trying to shake off some hurts. Rifling through mantras and lenses. I am not my emotions. Resist all or nothing thinking. My worth is not based on my performance as a mother. I am doing the best I can.

That’s the hardest one to believe. Sounds like giving up, shrugging “I tried.” I know I could be doing things better or at least differently. Isn’t that almost always the case in almost any situation? Work harder. Aim higher. Do better. I am trying to challenge that mindset a bit, but it’s baked in.

I am doing the best I can… given my capacity, skills, personality, baggage, health, resources, and knowledge.

Strike outs are inevitable. Why is this so hard to wrap my brain around? I’d probably feel better if my batting average didn’t feel mired below .200. I don’t need to be an all star. I’m just so tired of questioning if I deserve to be in the big leagues.

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